Wish Upon A Star

                                   

So, feeling invigorated with life I've had a really productive day. I booked myself some tanning minutes and I went tanning. I took a selfie of myself in some new lingerie and realized I was so pale I looked translucent. So, since Canadian winters are not known for sunshine and warmth I decided a few minutes in the tanning bed would help.

Then I went to look at apartments. I'm not planning to move out yet but I wanted an idea what was out there. I saw one I really liked. It was though $100 a month over my budget, not in the area I was planning to live in. But, it's a nice area , close to amenities, quiet. Seems to be a lot of seniors living in the area. So, something for me to think about. I know a few people have asked me why are you doing this now. What's been the trigger. I think the trigger has been I think time is running out. None of us know how long we have left. Do I really want to leave this world never having experienced some of the things I want to. I want to live out my days with someone who loves me. I want to hold hands and go for walks, watch the sunset. Go travel the world and do wild , crazy stuff. Lie on a blanket under the stars having amazing sex and talking about aliens. I realize that even by moving out I may never experience those things. But, I have to believe there is a person out there crazy enough to want me.  


       

Get ready for the gunfight - or in my case water pistols at the ready

                                                               Godless spoiler ahead

.Last night I watched the final episode of Godless on Netflix and I was crying by the end. I was so upset they killed Whitey and I really thought Roy would stay and take care of Alice and Truckie. But, I was happy Roy made it to California to look for his brother. So, many ups and downs in one episode. My favourite character by far is Mary Agnes. The tough gunslinging sister of the sheriff but the kindest heart.  

 I've been trying act normal at home but it's hard when I'm feeling so much more confident. Doomsayer actually commented yesterday you've got really independent I'm starting to feel you don't need me anymore. I wanted to say actually once I'm completely financially independent I won't be sticking around. I have glanced at pt jobs. But, until my daughter has the baby in February I can't apply for anything. I'm not planning to leave until after my grand baby is born since I don't want to bring any unnecessary upset and distress to her. I mean I've lasted this long what's a couple of more months .

What helped was when the counsellor said live your life like you want. He's going to be angry if you do something and angry if you don't.So,either way he's going to be angry so just do it. Also, it helps having funds in the secret account , an emergency friend list and a safe place to go. 

Awkward

                                                                     Last night I went to my company Christmas party. I opted not to take a guest and went alone. Everyone else except for Mr Former Affair had a guest. So, we ended up being seated together. Awkward.

The meal was wonderful and after a couple of glasses of wine the awkwardness wore off and we started to have a good time chatting. I hadn't drove to the party since I wanted to drink. So, my son had dropped me off. After the party I said I'd text him to come and pick me up. But, Mr Former Affair says I can drive you home. I can only say alcohol definitely affected my judgement and My mouth found itself saying yes.

The drive home was fine except for the fact he kept reminiscing about our past relationship. I didn't want to say the only thing that stuck in my mind about it was his former bitch wife. Luckily I lived close by so it was a short drive. He stopped the car a few houses away from my house. Then as I fumbling around trying to undo the seatbelt he took my face in his hands and kissed me. I was stunned unable to comprehend what was happening. I didn't kiss him back but I also couldn't get my brain functioning enough to push him away.

The next morning I kept thinking why didn't you slap him. 

The next day at work was pure awkwardness. I kept bumping into him all day long. He kept giving me smiles and saying wasn't it a good night. I'm just relieved now that I have a number of days off and then I'm working overnights. So, I won't be bumping into him for a while.

Secret Struggles

                                                                          I was up at 5am for work and the only tv show on was this religious one . I wasn't really paying attention since I was browsing Facebook. But, her words caught my attention and for a few minutes I felt she was talking to me. She was talking about secret struggles, mainly about keeping abusive relationships in the dark. How we empower it ,not ourselves by keeping it hidden, and how by bringing it into the light we invite God to empower and help us.  It seemed to resonate with what my counsellor was telling me today. Last week she had me start a journal just recording my interactions with Doomsayer. When I'm ready I have to find a trusted person to read it. I find it very hard to read back myself . I'm not sure I'm courageous enough to allow someone to read how I allow him to intimidate me in that way. I want to retaliate and answer him back. But, I know it just escalates the situation to an unbearable level and he has the upper hand knowing I don't have any family here. So, I have nowhere to go to escape. I'm very much a person who likes peace and harmony in my life. I don't like confrontation unless I have to. I will talk about problems and issues. But, I don't want to screamed at and belittled.The counsellor is amazing to talk too. Obviously she hears stories like mine everyday but she helps me understand that there is a way out. She gives me homework to do which is also empowering. Deciding where I want to live. Looking at apartments online. Doing a budget. That one made me realize I will need a part time job in addition to my full time job in order to live alone. So, that is something I can start looking for. I've started my savings account at a bank he doesn't know about, and started my list of things I want from the home and what I will need to buy. This week I need to do my emergency bag, find a few friends for my emergency contact list and plan a safe place to go in an emergency situation.                                                             

Knee Slapper Of An Evening

                                                                   So,I've decided to move this story over from my other blog since it's not really a sex story. Last night I went out on a date with man with a dog. I honestly don't know when someone last took me out just to enjoy my company. No chat about sex and no expectation that sex would be on the table after the date. He was hilarious, even more funny in real life than he is by text. We had a meal and drinks and the time just flew by. We can just talk up a storm about random shit. That's what caught my attention to begin with. We endlessly text each other about random stuff during the day.  He sends me jokes and funny things he sees on Facebook. We hadn't exchanged pics prior to meeting . We decided that it didn't matter and that either way we would remain really good chat buddies. As it turns out he was really really cute. He actually thinks I'm cute too. So, that's a good thing. We were there for three hours. At the end of the date he walked me out to my car and gave me a very passionate kiss goodbye. He's already invited me out on a second date. I'm going to his local bar to play darts with his friends next week.

You Go Girl

                                                                              I woke the other morning feeling very lonely and depressed. I realized I needed to kick myself in the butt and stop looking for excuses not to do things. I had saved a link for al anon family group meetings and saw there was one on this morning. I decided to get over my fear and go. It was actually helpful talking about his drinking and abuse. I talked to one woman who snuck the empty bottles to the recycling depot bins at 3am so the neighbors didn't see. I learnt that I don't have to put up with abusive behaviour I can be strong enough to say no. Yes he will be angry with me but I can leave the house or lock myself in a room. So, after leaving the meeting feeling somewhat empowered I did two things I've wanted to do in a long time but never had the courage to. I went to the jewellers in the mall and had my wedding ring cut off and then I phoned a counselling service and made an appointment for Monday after work. I figure if I'm going to leave him I'm going to need all the help and support I can muster.

The Escape Artist

                                                                         This past two week has been so busy I have had no time to write. This past weekend I was away at my daughters house for her birthday. We went to one of those Escape rooms. I've always wanted to try one. We split into two groups women and men and went into separate rooms. We are given a timer with 45 minutes to escape from the room. I felt very overwhelmed to begin with and I didn't know where to start. Eventually though I get my brain into gear and finally figure out there isn't an order to solve them, you just work on any clue. I manage to solve the final three clues which give us the answer to opening the box with the key. The final clue was one of my favourite puzzles. One where you are given a list of random dates and times and you have to figure out the next one in the sequence. We manage to get out with 7 minutes left. The guys unfortunately were still in there when the buzzer went off. So, bragging rights for the women. We went back to my daughters house after for pizza, cake and tequila shots. Since my daughter is pregnant, being a considerate mom I took her shots for her. So, I had two for everyone else's one. I went to bed at 2am, but then Doomsayer came in the room at 3am putting all the lights on and falling over. He was meant to be sleeping on the sofa in the basement. So, I got up pushed him onto the bed and went and slept on the sofa. I tried to go back to sleep but my daughters cats all wanted to snuggle. So, I had one on my head and two on my stomach. In the morning I was feeling very delicate. My head and stomach were not in pristine condition. We all went to Smittys for breakfast but mine didn't even make it out of the restaurant after a speedy restroom stop. The journey home was long with an open window and some plastic grocery bags. I'd like to say I'll never do it again but I know myself too well.

Trick or Treat

                                                               Yesterday I was feeling very artsy and decided to carve a pumpkin for Halloween. I found a fabulous picture on Pinterest. Above picture.It looked simple enough. I got a marker, knife and newspaper ready and to work I get. In my mind I'm skillfully creating a Martha Stewart worthy pumpkin to adorn my pathetic decorations thus far on my doorstep. My son comes in the kitchen just as I'm finishing and gives the loudest belly laugh, followed by fits of laughter so hard he was struggling to get his breath. With a sigh I have to painfully admit my pumpkin looks like a toddler was handed a knife and told to stab it. Not to be completely perturbed though I've given him pride of place on my doorstep and named him Jigsaw. 

Ghostly Encounters

                                                                 Today was actually a  good day. I saw my special friend this morning. I'm usually really excited to see him but today I was feeling apprehensive. I think it was because I hadn't seen him since it happened. We had spoken on the phone but I wasn't sure what to say to him face to face. Part of me was feeling like an idiot for crying on the phone . I sat in the parking lot after getting my groceries for a while feeling really nervous undecided if I should cancel or not. Instead I sent a text I was on my way that way I couldn't cancel. I was really glad I went it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. The sex was really good, the chat a little more laboured on my side. Poor guy was having to do the talking for both of us. The orgasms were really good too. I think Carl Yong and Myers Briggs are just spot on with my personality profile. I read this and it's just me.                                                                                                                                              I went to work later and I'm happy to discover I'm working with my two favourite co workers. Then I realize it's my favourite supper as well. I go to the restaurant to speak to the chef and he says he's done me a special container of tzatziki sauce. He said he remembered I like it.I do get preferential treatment off the chef. I am feeling generous though and share it with my co workers.  We finished work around 10pm and decide to watch tv. So, we start watching a horror movie Halloween. We are about 30 minutes in and it's getting scary. I hear some strange noises and my co worker says take no notice it's our other co worker trying to scare us. But, the noise is getting louder and I say we should check it out. We have the lights on low and go to the hallway to look. It was a lady with dementia who's forgotten her walker and is walking with her arms out to the side for balance wearing a pale nightgown. We both jump then start laughing. What's she's actually calling is hello but it was echoing in the hallway. We put her back to bed and are just about to go back and watch tv. Then the door alarm goes off. My co worker says everyone is in bed no ones here. We get the fob and go to put it off. She's scared and clinging onto my arm. I put it off and I know sometimes when it's windy it sets it off. But, just in case it wasn't the wind I say we should open the door and check if any one is there. She says no no it might be a man with an axe. So on second thoughts I decide not to open the door. It's the people who go to check on the horror movies who get killed. So, instead we go and lock ourselves in the office. Total chickens as you can see. 

Walk with me

                                      On a scale of 1 - 10, today rated about a 5. So, at least an improvement on the past 6 days. I have started my shift rotation onto afternoon shifts so I slept  in this morning. I wasn't sleepy, but I made myself some coffee and lay there reading my book and listening to music on my phone. I felt all warm, safe and cozy there. I got up at 9.30am, showered and had breakfast. I tidied up in the house and then left to meet my friend Lynda for coffee. We were chatting over coffee and talking about the gym. A new gym has opened close by and on a whim we decided to check it out. It has a lot more equipment compared to where I go now. But, less classes. So, I'm not sure if it will work for me. Anyway I have a 3 day pass mon - wed next week so I will go and check it out. I have osteoporosis so I need to keep my muscle mass up to support the bones. I was actually very proud of myself at my last bone density test in March . I had managed to improve my bone density from -3.5 to -3. I did a lot of research online and for the past 3 years I've been on a regime of vitamin D, Vitamin K2 and Magnesium and an exercise routine to build up my muscles.                                                                          In the afternoon I went to work and I'd figured my chances of bumping into Mr Manager for the next few weeks are slim to none since there is only one hour that our shifts overlap. On starting my shift I discovered the morning person had forgotten to fax an important prescription to the pharmacy. I phoned the pharmacy and explained the situation. They told me to fax it and they'd make arrangements to get it delivered in the evening. So, I take the prescription and head over to use the fax machine in the offices at the main building. When I walk in the room Mr Manager is there trying to figure out how to refill the paper on the photocopier. He asks if I could help him. So, I do. I have to kneel because it's so low down. He then offers me a hand to get up from the floor. I take it and he helps me up . He tells me to go ahead and do my fax first. Which I do, but while I'm waiting for it to go through he rests his hand on my shoulder. My heart is beating so fast and I'm feeling weird by this. Those couple of minutes feel like hours. I got out of there as fast as I could after. I'm going to have to get over this weirdness and just act professionally. 

Lights, camera, action and now lets do retake

                                                                     Just when I thought life couldn't get any worse. Life decides to throw yet another cog in the mix and say haha lets see you deal with that now bitch. Over the years work has always in general been a safe haven. Somewhere I could go and switch off my other life. But, not so yesterday . During my week long absence there had been numerous changes at week that I spent most of yesterday catching up with  A big change had been the resignation of the building manager and installing of a new one. I work in a large facility and the building manager oversees the running of them all. So, not someone I have to directly work with but someone I will be interacting with on a daily basis. I read the letter and the new managers name had a familiarity to it. I just kind of figured I'd come across him in my previous homecare job. I never saw him yesterday but then this morning he came over to see me since I head up the safety committee for the whole facility. Have you ever had one of those moments when your brain goes into shock and everything stops and seems to go in slow motion. That was me earlier today. When I saw him I recognized him as a guy I'd had a 3 month affair with 8 years ago. It ended when his wife found out. She made my life hell for months after. I had to change my email and cell phone number. He wanted to carry things on even after she found out but I said he should probably deal with the stuff at home. I never knew what happened after and after a few months I found another guy to fulfill my needs. Yesterday he said he had wondered if it was me when he saw my name on some documents and actually invented an excuse to come and check out if it was. He said I can't believe you have hardly changed you still look as beautiful as ever. I just said thank you and you haven't changed much either. What do you say in that situation. He told me he got divorced after that episode and did try to contact me 6 months later but I had of course changed my email and cell number and he couldn't. I just wonder now how awkward it will be working with him. I don't feel any attraction towards him. Just weirdness right now.           

Come on life give me a break

                                                                        Be jeezies yet another trying day. My son phones me at work at 8.30am to tell me doomsayers work had phoned to see why he wasn't at work. My son said he left for work at his usual time walking ( he's not very safe driving and is often over the limit so he walks ) but hadn't showed up and was now 30minutes late. So, my sons and doomsayers colleagues all take off to drive around looking for him. They were just about to start phoning the hospitals at 9am when he walks into work. He seemed surprised every one was looking for him and said he was just walking to work. Since he's a person obsessed with time and has to be early for everything arriving 1 hour late for work for the first time in 20 years is a big deal. My concern now is that he got lost or forgot where he was going. He of course insists he got up late which isn't true. So, yet another problem . Is this a deterioration in his condition . At least my son finishes his work contract on Friday so he will be home for a few weeks so he can drive him to work.

Woman Overboard

         

 Thank you everyone for all the mail. It was interesting that even guys didn't think I was over reacting. In answer to a few questions.

Do you mind him talking about the other people he sees ?

 No I don't mind him talking about the people he sees . We have both been aware we see others from the start. If we were sat there on the sofa talking it would of been fine. It was the fact it was while we were having sex. It made me feel that I was just some surrogate body to fuck because he couldn't be with the women he wanted to be with.  

Why didn't I say something at the time.

 I've been very emotionally fragile this past week and so even though I was hurt at the time I didn't want to over react. I needed time to think about it. But, in honesty all that has served is to make it worse by replaying it over and over again. 

Has he done this before ?

No, he hasn't done this before.If he had I wouldn't be having this conversation with strangers . Since I haven't had an opportunity to speak to him about it yet I need to give him a chance to respond. But, it is essential that I feel during the time im with someone that they are engaged with me and enjoying and having a fun time with me. I need to feel I'm with someone who wants to be with me. 

 One reader presented me a very poignant question. Would he of been so disrespectful to the other woman by commenting how amazing I was at sucking his cock just as she was going to do it to him. I think I can answer quite positively no he wouldn't. 

 So,  this will be end of my thoughts on this for now. I'm going to head off to my aquafit class better to drown in the pool instead of these rivers of tears. I might even get lucky and have someone throw me a life jacket to save me. Life is certainly giving me an emotional beating right now. 

Thoughts welcome

   


 I've had a busy few days. So, today I had a nice relaxing chocolate facial. It was so relaxing I fell asleep and she had to wake me up. I think she needs to come here at night and do it before I fall asleep

Friday I spent a nice day with my special friend and that was lots of fun and we also went out Sunday evening to an alternative lifestyle party. I'm not too sure what his actually thoughts were it's not for everyone. But, I thought if he planned on staying around in my life he needs to know what I get up to.

 I'm not too sure he is planning on staying around , these days he seems more interested in telling me about other women he's seeing. Which is fine I'm not jealous but it does make me think if he's talking about them when we are having sex then it's highly probable he would prefer I was them. Which is not what I want,  I want someone who is into me. When your about to suck someones cock and they decide that's the perfect time to tell you how great the other person is at doing it. It kind of reinforces that thought. I'm not disrespectful like that talking about my submissives pleasuring me. Anyway I had planned to ask him face to face about it tomorrow but he has family commitments this week and our usual weekend timeframe doesn't work for me because im on afternoon shifts. So,instead I will have to ponder about what my thoughts are on this. If anyone would like to give me a mans prospective on this id be interested to hear . Email is preferable topsyturvyworld1966@gmail.com

Saturday I spent the afternoon at the casino with my friend Wandie . I was really spendthrift and wouldn't put much money into the slot machine. On the plus side though I'd forgotten my friend from a story titled have you ever saved a life worked security there and he bought us lunch. I left later in the afternoon and Wandie stayed saying she would get the shuttle bus home. In the evening I went round to my alternative lifestyle friends house for supper ( that story will be on the Sexual Heaven blog). 

     

Fire and Brimstone otherwise known as a Brazilian Wax

                                                            Yesterday was the first day of my holiday. Which I should of called pain and pleasure. First came a painful Brazilian wax from the queen sadist sweet smiling Sue. She covers my vagina with wax which is too darn hot and then rips half my skin off. My special friend will just have to kiss it better on Friday. Then in the afternoon I got my hair done. My stylist is amazing she gives incredible head massages. I've told her I'm taking her home with me. She didn't say no.                                                                                                                        On Tuesday I was working with two younger male colleagues. There was a quiet time after lunch and they were hiding in the laundry room on their phones. They told me they were on Tinder trying to get dates. I have heard of Tinder but being of a more mature age I don't know much about it. So, they show me the swipe and like thing. They call them dates but all they really want is a hook up for sex. Either way neither could get a girl. They are reasonably attractive guys so obviously that's not the reason. One of them shows me what he writes to them. I roll my eyes and whince thinking if someone wrote that to me I'd delete them. So, wondering if I could do better pretending to be them I suggest I reply for them. One guy says no but the other says go for it. So, I have a nice chat pretending to be him with a lady and arrange to go out for a drink. So, he's meeting her for a drink tonight. Hope he lives up to my chat.

Don't give up

                                                                 Thank you everyone for all your fabulous advice. I will be doing some of it on my week off. I feel blessed so many of you care about a stranger.Two people featured heavily in my thoughts yesterday. One was a wonderful woman who emailed after reading my post. What stuck in my mind most was she reminded me to love myself, stand up for myself and not to let him belittle me. As she reminded me the house is as much mine as his and what was I doing throwing in the towel and not even considering putting up a fight for it. The other person was the wonderful db. Who managed to invigorate my soul. We had a wonderful phone call and I realized what a special friend he is and how paramount our relationship is in my life. Doomsayer came home last night and gave me a box of chocolates. I'm presuming it's some form of apology since I can't remember him buying me even a birthday card in years. I just said thank you and ate the chocolates. It doesn't change anything since I know this will be a short lived truce and tomorrow he could be back to being the vexatious oppressor.                                   

There's a Storm coming

                                                                      This weekend has been so mentally draining. I'm seriously thinking I can't do this anymore. Doomsayer woke up Saturday morning saying I'd taken all his money (not true we have separate bank accounts and all I take is his share of the bills). Then it seemed every conceivable thing was my fault. I eventually just left because I was on the verge of crying and I can't let him see me cry because then he's won and I'm back to being that timid weak little woman again. I did my shopping and went to my special friends house. I had been trying really hard to get my composure back and put on my happy face but I couldn't quite do it and I ended up using him as my shoulder to cry on. I feel bad about that this morning he didn't sign up for that. I did at least manage to hold back the tears though. I had a really good time with him and I forgot all about my issues until reality sets in and I had to go home.  When I get home I'm subject to the silent treatment, which has now continued into today. He's refused to eat the past two days and I'm just past caring. If he wants to starve himself to death then he can just go ahead and put us both out of this misery. So, my decision right now is to formulate a get out plan. The hard decision is right now I'm in a comfortable home if I leave the most I'll be able to afford is to rent a room or a small studio place. The advantage to that is that I may end up financially destitute but at least I could live out the rest of my days happy. So, long as I have a roof over my head, some food and maybe the odd bottle of wine I should be good. I have no clue how to navigate through the financial mess though. He has run up huge credit card debts on joint credit cards. I gave up trying to pay them down because whatever I paid off he would rack back up at the liquor store . So, I just pay enough to keep them close to the limit. So, if anyone readings this can steer me in the right direction as in how to get advice and where from I would be eternally grateful 

Heterodox Knocks

               



 Today was just the strangest day. I couldn't sleep last night. I was too hot, then too cold, then I needed to pee. Then the vicious cycle just kept continuing all night. I looked at my phone it said 3.10am, and I'm thinking I need to get up soon for work and I haven't even slept yet. I must of dropped off soon after that and woke up with a start thinking what time is it. I look at my phone it says 6.10am . Oh crap i must of put the alarm off and gone back to sleep. I've normally left for work by this time. I whip on my clothes, do my hair and clean my teeth simultaneously, grab my lunch from the fridge and am out of the door by 6.25am. I eat my breakfast while driving erratically well over the speed limit. I arrive at work 3 minutes late and what the heck I'm the first one to arrive for my shift. Both my co workers were late. The shift was just one disaster after another. I  had to phone the paramedics to come out twice in an hour.The two washing machines broke down, the sink dropped through the counter, and that was before 9am. The worst though was the door alarm went off and we couldn't shut it off until the alarm company came out 3 hours later . That incessant sound giving me a throbbing headache. By lunchtime I am desperate to pee. Go to the bathroom and realize in my haste this morning. I put on my yoga pants inside out and back to front and no one even told me. I finally got my lunch break checked my phone and saw my daughter had phoned me 6 times. So, then I'm panicking something is wrong with her or the baby. But thankfully it was only something minor and nothing to be worried about.  I finish work after feeling like I've worked a 24 hour shift and not 8 hours. I go to the bank on my way home and someone starts knocking on my car window. I turn and realize it's a former friend. Not sure how to react, I get out of the car and we end up going for coffee. I haven't seen him since we broke up over a year ago. Surprisingly it was good to catch up and talk about what happened. We broke up over a text message. Or rather a lack of one. I'd sent him a message which required a yes or no response within 24 hours. He read it ignored it and took 4 days to respond. By which time I was so angry. So, then I took 4 days to respond to him. He totally lost his shit and told me it was over. My response being fine have a good life . In reality we had both lost interest. Things had not been going good for the prior month. We were both looking for a way out. We have both moved on and are both happier. So, it was good to talk in person and get rid of the animosity between us. We won't meet ever again the door has been closed tightly now for good.                                      

Subscribing To Be A Viking

           


 I firstly want to clarify something about my posts. I don't write about my problems seeking sympathy or expecting anyone to be my knight in shining armour and rescue me. I write because I find it therapeutic. I'd be a depressing person if all I ever talked about was my problems in person . Instead I like to write them on here. Get all my negative emotions out and be done with it. I don't write this blog for other people. I write it for me. If other people read it I'm happy . If they find something interesting in my life they can relate too and feel I'm not alone out there even better. Everything I have done in the past ten years has been my decision. So, I have no one to blame but myself for poor choices and indecisions. It may not sound like it but this year has been the happiest of my life. I seem to of hit it lucky on so many levels. A job i love, a grand baby to come, and what has been most unexpected and most welcome has been meeting a fantastic guy.     I long ago gave up any hope of finding someone special. I usually find it's a compromise. Sex is often okay but they are not interesting to talk to. But I've found Someone who I can trust, who seems to accept my uniqueness, even if he doesn't understand it , and best of all is the most amazing lover I've ever had. I wouldn't tell him that though he might get big headed. We seem to connect so well together during sex , he gives me the most mind blowing orgasms. Sometimes I feel like my head is drifting on another planet and I can't even open my eyes.  So, all in all I feel God has blessed me this year.                     

Dom, Dick and Scary

      I was driving to work this morning along the river just before 6am. I saw what I thought was a big cat up ahead in the road. I was wearing my glasses but my night vision is crappy even wearing them. When I got closer I realized it wasn't a cat but a coyote. He was a stubborn fella too, he refused to get off my side of the road and I had to drive on the other side of the road to get past him. I go walking often in this area and made a mental note to be extra vigilant since he didn't seem afraid of humans.                                This was me shopping yesterday . Chucky reincarnated and shops for candy eyeballs for cakes.                                           
One of my work colleague said to me earlier she had something to show me on her phone . So, we all sneak into the staff room and watch some porn clip of a guy with a huge dong slapping these women's faces. My work colleagues gave up long ago trying to shock me, since I can always up them with something more shocking. I did jokingly tell a few of them once I was a secret Dominatrix. Their response was that would not surprise us .
     

By Golly Be Jolly

This week is off to a much better start. My daughters ultrasound showed she's having a girl. So , now I'm excited to go out and buy cute girly stuff. I had a lovely relaxing day yesterday. I went to the movies and watched Annabelle . Certainly not the best horror movie ever, but enough jumps to keep me interested.  Then I went to Smittys for supper, I did text a gay friend to come join me since I don't like eating alone so he was grateful for a free supper. Then I rushed quickly to the dollar store to buy face paint ready for the zombie walk on Sunday afternoon. Also, I couldn't resist grabbing a few packs of glosette chocolate raisins. I love them.   Then I drove over to my special friends house for an evening of frolicking on the bed.  That was certainly the best part of the evening

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The above picture reminds me of Lake Louise. Below a picture when I went to Lake Louise. Love how I accidentally caught the kayak in the pic but it looks awesome,

   

Courage

What a horrible week. I just want it to end.

My good friend had phoned me on Monday saying she had chest pain and asked me what to do. I told her to go to emergency, if it's serious your wasting time going to the doctor first. I suspected from her description a heart problem but after being admitted and 3 days of tests she's diagnosed with Liver Cancer. I'm trying to be positive and strong for her but inside I'm in shock and trying to deal with it . I deal far better with being sick myself.

 Another friend left her husband on Tuesday. Very unexpected she just moved out while he was at work. She said people don't know what goes on behind closed doors and that's very true. I also understand the planning involved in doing a flit like that. The people slamming her for not telling him prior or trying counselling obviously have never experienced what it's like to live with an abusive partner. I admire her courage sometimes physical fear and been left destitute with your children leaves us paralyzed and unable to make a smart choice. Especially when we feel isolated because our family lives in another country. Sometimes we are lucky enough to have people sent by God to empower us and help us to regain our confidence, self esteem and regain control over our lives. 


                                                     

Very good question and one I wish I could answer.    



                     As if my friends tribulations were not enough to contend with , the thing causing me most stress was the fact Doomsayer (aka husband) , refused to go to work all week. He said he's sick. But, he's only sick until the liquor store opens. He's spent the entire week sat on the couch watching the same channel rerun after rerun. Then yesterday he got into a fight with my oldest son. When I came home from work he was locked in the bathroom. He couldn't phone me because I took his cell phone off him a year ago after an incident when I was at a funeral. A story for another time. He had pushed my son too far and was afraid he was going to hit him. I went outside to speak to my son who said he was provoking him calling him abusive names and poking him. I'm proud my son had enough self control not to punch him since he's twice doomsayers size. I told my son to go to his friends house until things settled down. My son didn't want to go but I said I'd be fine dealing with him. Of course the name calling switched attention to me but I just ignored him and tried to watch tv . Eventually he fell asleep and I rewatched a couple of shows since I hadn't been able to watch them properly earlier then I went to bed. I heard him slam his bedroom door at 3am. Then I'm awake and I have to up at 5am for work. So, I'm exhausted this morning. The only bright spot in my week was meeting my special friend twice. His face just makes me smile and I feel so safe curled up in his arms. He certainly makes the bad days livable.

Today Will Never Happen Again Enjoy It

I woke up at 4am absolutely freezing. My bedroom window was open and I didn't want to get out of my cozy bed to close it. Since I sleep all alone in my own bedroom I don't have a bed partner to wake up and tell to close the window. So, instead I put pillows inside the bed on either side of me and grabbed a throw from the bottom of the bed and tucked it around my neck. That warmed me up and made me all snug and I fell back asleep until 8am. 

  I had a long to do list this morning, but I was more interested in coffee to keep me awake. My own fault as usual I didn't get home until late . My friend from a post titled " A place in my heart forever " had been texting me all evening at work and we decided to talk on the phone after I'd done work. An hour later we are still talking. He was telling me about a very interesting business trip he had involving 3 Thai dancers and a Ladyboy. No more details will be leaving my lips on here. I caught him up to date on my life and he gave me some man advice. Sometimes it's good to get advice on men from men they know how they think.
 


More Questions.

What's the best thing you got from your parents. That would be my brother. I  love my younger brother. Even though he was the favoured child I never held that against him. He was and still is a wonderful selfless caring person. If our parents gave him something and didn't give anything to me he would always try to share it with me. He would get a knife and cut up a chocolate bar and give me half saying your the best big sister and I love you.

Are you beautiful. That's an easy one to answer no. I'm not really ugly but certainly not pretty.  I did however win a beauty pageant when I was 18. My friend and I only entered on a whim last minute to annoy a former school friend of ours. It was certainly a case of improvising since we didn't have anything practiced. I treated it as some fun, doing a dance routine on stage that I made up as I went. I gave hilarious answers to the stupid questions . I had everyone in tears laughing. No one was more shocked than me when I won. However I think I won more on personality than beauty. Our former school friend in a few years went on to become Miss UK and later an actress. She was a very beautiful lady and I could claim to fame that I beat her in a pageant but in all honesty I was in no way as beautiful as her.


I love Pinterest and I cant believe how accurate this ENFJ stuff is.

 

Midnight and Tea.

So, I'm positive my workplace is cursed. Not in a spooky way, which would be cool. My workplace only opened in January, we are currently on manager number 4. This is her first week working alone and she's showing the stress. It's only Thursday and so far this week she's had 7 residents admitted to hospital from falls sustaining fractures. Two staff quit, one not giving notice. The Chef going on a rant saying staff are to stay out of his kitchen ( the exception being me lol ). Plus all the hassle from family members and management. I feel sorry for her. No amount of money would tempt me to do her job.   


 I've had a good morning so far. A good workout at my Zumba class, followed by a long phone chat with db. Now I'm relaxing with a cup of Chocolate Macaroon tea watching an episode of Midnight Texas

 

Some more answers to questions. 

 If you were the only person left on earth what would you do ? Probably die. Although my son in law swears I'd survive the apocalypse. He thinks I'm very resourceful thinking outside the box. I can fish and hunt. Although its many years since ive done either. So , probably my time would be spent siphoning gas to run vehicles to get around and having a dog for my companion. 

 This one is for db. Who asked what lotion I use. Right now it's Hempz Vanilla/ plum.

 






This is a song db dedicated to me a few years ago by the wonderful Nina Simone.

Purple Unicorn Poop - A Psychedlic day ahead

When I'd finally partially recovered from my NyQuil induced stupor yesterday I finally got around to watching the 90 minute finale of season 7 Game Of Thrones. All I'm asking now is how long to the next season. 

 I need to know how they defeat the white walkers and the Night king. Or do they !!!!

Is Daenerys going to have a baby with Jon Snow.?

 Will he finally be told his real name is Aegon ?  Personally I'd say stick with the name Jon.

Thank the lord Arya killed Littlefinger. Evil little man. Although no one comes close to Ramsey. He was the ultimate evil sadist. I hated him so much, but a brilliant character.
All in all a wonderful final episode and so many great things to come in the future.

 Today I got up early. I had a really good visit with a friend after work last night and when I got home I felt so rapturous and relaxed that I snuggled up to my pillow and fell instantly asleep.

 When I got up I had my breakfast and headed off to my Aquafit class at 7.45am. I really enjoy going to the gym and my fitness classes. They do nothing for my weight ( darn meds Prednisone and Synthroid  ) but  what they more importantly do is they keep me strong, fit and reduce my stress levels.  

Don't you just love it when President Donald goes off script. Calling the North Korean leader Rocket Man is just classic. I wonder if Sir Elton will be suing for infringement rights for using his song title. 

 On a more serious note I'm now heading to my kitchen to try out a new recipe I found on Lord Byrons Kitchen for Unicorn Poop cookies. I think I'm only making them because they are my favourite colour purple. 😊




Prince my all time favourite singer. I'm just grateful I got to see him in concert before he left us too soon. Thank you for the music.

Zombie Ahead

Having just woken from a drug induced sleep I feel like a zombie. As much as I love Zombies I don't have any wish to be one. I couldn't sleep last night and decided at 2am to take some NyQuil. It knocked me out completely and now I'm finding it hard to stay awake. So, if I drift off writing about something totally intangible blame Vicks not me. 

Saturday afternoon my sons suggested we go out for supper. So, after debating a few restaurants we all decided on a personal favourite of ours Las Palapas. We just love Mexican food. The only negative hubby aka The Doomsayer decides he wants to come. Normally he never ventures off his couch .He lies there all weekend with occasional leg stretches for bathroom breaks. All meals have to be served to him there otherwise he'd starve to death.

 I told my sons they could drive my new car. They were like kids at Christmas. They had my sunroof open, programmed my wifi in the car to their phones, they must of flicked through every channel on Sirius radio. I watched with fascination not wanting to admit that old mama didn't know she could do all those things on her car. Doomsayer was getting irritated in the car because they kept changing channels. Then he didn't like where they parked. The boys just shrugged their shoulders and took off to the restaurant leaving me to cox him out of his tantrum and get him out of the car. We ordered food and my son ordered for him since he wouldn't open the menu. The only time he showed interest was when the waitress asked if he wanted beer. I could feel my stress level rising and thought what the heck I'm not driving and ordered a Mexican Mudslide. Oh my goodness that was a good drink. Very potent but just went down so smooth. My food was delicious. Burrito with refried  beans and rice. Doomsayer actually ate his food but spent the whole time complaining about everything else. So, summing my evening up. Fantastic food shame about the company.

I know my blog readers probably think I'm mean when I talk about Doomsayer. But, remember don't judge someone by the page you walk into on their life. You don't know what transpired before that page to get them there. ( The exception to my above statement being db who has known me long enough that he's lived through many pages of my life ).  

IT 's been a busy week

Where has this week gone ?  I had so many plans of things to do with my mornings since I was on late shift. Mainly involving me lounging around in PJ's , drinking coffee and watching the final 3 episodes of Game Of Thrones. I still haven't managed to see one episode.

My friends have just overwhelmed me with lunch and coffee. I know I've been AWOL for a few weeks but I hadn't expected people to miss me so much. The other downside being my blogs are being left unattended. Maybe I need a double to help me out.  

  Saturday I went to watch IT at the movie theatre. I loved it. I love something that makes me jump. There is no terrifying gory scenes if your a fan of that. I don't think you need gory scenes to be scared. My all time favourite scary movie is The Haunting (1962) , not the more recent version.  You see nothing scary but the noises and rickety spiral staircase always give me chills. I remember as a young child watching the old Hammer Horror movies. They used to have a countdown before a scary scene. Saying you have 10 seconds to leave the room. That countdown was far more terrifying than anything they ever had behind the door. By the time it hit 3 I'd be hiding behind a cushion peaking out.

 Even though I'm not a true gore fan on hearing Jigsaw from Saw is back on Halloween in a new movie I just have to go.


  

The song today is from my childhood idol Siouxie. Ive loved her music since I was a teenager. The song today I dedicate to db. He will understand why.

Save A Life

                                Have you ever saved a life ?  I have a few times mainly job related, but not always.A few years ago in my previous job. I was caring for a lady with terminal cancer in her sixties. Her main caregiver was her son who was close to my age and who had moved back home after the end of a relationship. I grew very close to the family after going there twice a day for a year. I went one evening and noticed her vitals were down. I phoned the ambulance but she passed away the following day. I went to visit the son and he thanked me for noticing the change in his mothers condition and said he was grateful for the few hours he had to say goodbye to her.  He wrote a lovely tribute to me in her obituary and seemed to be in an upbeat mood after the funeral. A few weeks had passed and I was just finishing work for the day when I had this feeling something was wrong with him. I've learnt from the past to trust my gut feelings and even though I had plans I decided to drive to his house if only to put my mind to rest. When I got there I knocked. No reply. I tried the door and it was open. I opened and called it was me. No reply. I walked in and could hear crying. As I got closer I realized it was from his mothers room. I walked in and he was sobbing and then I saw the blood and realized he had slit his wrists. I phoned the ambulance and grabbed towels to wrap his wrists. Then lay him down and I lay behind him hugging him. He survived and we are still close friends. I encouraged him to join groups to make friends, and even went with him until he felt comfortable. We also meet up every few weeks for a drink or some food and text a few times a week. I have to keep a little detachment from him because I don't want him getting to attached and dependant on me.                                                                       When I was fifteen I'd gone on a minibus trip to a neighbouring town to a disco. This is back in the seventies. So, I could just say I was the legal drinking age no one asked for any proof. I won't go into a long drawn out story but instead I'll get straight to the point. The town I lived in and The neighbouring town both had gangs who were in dispute with each other. A truce had been called for the night. My boyfriend at the time was the leader of the other towns gang. Towards the end of the night he pulled me aside and said his gang was going to attack my towns gang and that they had weapons. He told me to grab my friends and get back to the minibus, and that they had been told they'd answer to him if I even got a scratch. So, I grabbed my friend and we started running. As we ran past a pub we saw a male school friend passed out on the grass outside. We could hear the screams and yells from the fighting and knew the mob was getting close. We dragged him as far as we could and put him behind a bush. The gang saw us and wanted him but I put myself between him and them. I was terrified but stood my ground and told them they'd have to go through me first. I just hoped my voice didn't betray the trembling. Eventually they decided to leave us alone saying they didn't want a kicking or worse from my boyfriend. Once we were sure they'd gone we carried him back to the minibus. He still to this day swears I saved his life. He even helps my brother out sometimes saying no charge, I owe your sister my life. I don't know that I did that but I certainly saved him from serious injury.