You can never build something if your the only one carrying the bricks

I read the title words a few weeks ago and it just resounded with me. It often feels like im the only one putting any effort into things. I will admit im a perfectionist and want to do everything in my life to the best of my ability.
For the past few weeks K has been home while they do renovations at his office.It has caused some tension between us. I like to have some alone time to spend on my own pursuits and to hang out with my friends. Right now though i feel like im interrogated every time i say im going some place. It also doesnt help that hes extremely messy and refuses to clean up after himself. This is growing very tiresome. Ive given up on him on the sex front. He has no interest in taking care of my needs, so i will take care of my own.

What i decided to do for the past few weeks was to get my financial life in order. I had a large dental expense which ive now paid for . So i now have no further big expenses that are pending.
I need to start rebuilding myself after the bankruptcy. I want to be better, stronger and completely financially independent. ( sounds like a quote from the six million dollar man ).

I opened myself a savings account, applied for a secured credit card. Made a will , got myself a safety deposit box. Paid my remaining balance owing to revenue Canada..

Other things i plan to do are get my resume updated and look for another job. Do some online courses and look into new opportunities.

After getting my teeth fixed i decided to go for a complete make over. I got my hair cut short, and have started buying myself new clothes.

I also decided to take more control over my health. I went and got a mammogram, a pap test, a HIV and sexual health test . All were clear, But its nice to know for sure. Next on my list is to get my vaccinations up to date. I have no idea when my last tetanus jab was. Probably over 20 years ago.

So, although i agree with the title words, i also solidly believe i can rise as a phoenix from the ashes carrying my own bricks . One at a time.

Bizarre Dream

Last night i had a very disturbing dream. I wasn't upset during the dream it all seemed very matter of fact. But this morning ive been struggling to understand it.

I will relate my dream to you

Im asleep in bed. Im woken by knocking on the door. K gets up and answers it. He invites as yet the unknown woman into the house. He then starts shouting at me to get up.I say i want to sleep, but he drags me out of bed. Standing in the living room is the girl / woman who bullied me when i was a kid. K is helping her to undress and wrapping her in a blanket because her clothes were wet. She says he is mine now we have been seeing each other for months. Then K shoves the wet clothes into my arms and tells me to go and wash them. I take them to the basement and dump them in a pile on the floor . Then walk back upstairs. They are no longer in the living room and are instead in our bed. K says you can sleep on the couch. Instead i pick up my clothes off the bedroom floor and drive off.

A week later i return to pick up my mail. K asks me to come back, she only wanted to split us up he says. I say i dont give second chances and walk away.
In the mail is a cheque. I cash the cheque and buy a ticket to Wales leaving right away.When i arrive at the airport my brother is there. He says ive got the fishing rods in the back of the car. We drive to a very special fishing spot in the mountains that we used to go to as kids. We set up our rods in the river and sit in this beautiful tranquil spot looking at the flowers and trees. My brother unpacks the picnic and says i have your favorite egg sandwiches and wine. I lay back and look up at the beautiful blue sky. My brother says this is the spot you wanted to come to die. I say yes it is. He says thats why your here and i say i know. Then i just have this wonderful feeling of calm and peacefulness


I havent thought about the bully susanne in probably 30 years. I actually battered her with a cricket bat when she hurt my brother. I could ignore her bullying me but when she hurt my little brother i saw red. I dont think K would bring a woman into the house and do that. So, i find that part strange.  Then is the other part a premonition of death or something else. Im confused. Does anyone reading this know anything about dream interpretation.

Don't Consider Phoning in Sick To Work, Karma Will Bite Your Ass

Over the weekend i spent a few days camping up north and going to the Napatak Ramble.
It was a wonderful two day event. The first night was all the local talent and the following night was the main entertainers. I must admit i really enjoyed the local bands they were so good. I especially enjoyed Funky bus ( video below ), so much energy you feel like rocking out to them.

I did have to spend the weekend hobbling around with a strapped up ankle. Which meant no dancing and difficulty navigating around. I think karma was teaching me a lesson though. I had planned to phone up sick for work for one day because i couldn't get the time off. But, i ended up rolling my ankle in work .So,i guess karma was saying "hey if you want to be off sick,then you can be sick". So,one day off has been extended to a week
There wasn't a whole lot of food i could eat there being gluten free. So i lived on taco in a bag and fries. Not the healthiest choices but all that was available.
K hates Off spray and says it gives him a headache. I said i needed it,but he said i was just exaggerating . He said no one reacts that bad to mosquito bites. So,i kept covered up and still got eaten alive by them. Now he feels guilty because im a spotty , itchy mess. I told him they love my sweet welsh blood. It has no immunity to them and my skin reacts really badly to them.

Even with all the negative stuff it was a great weekend. It was interesting have no WiFi or TV and having to entertain yourself around the campfire. Maybe thats something we should all do sometimes to reconnect with nature.

What A Downpour

Saturday was the day of the graduation. I got up early to get myself ready to go. I look outside and its torrential rain.I pack my overnight bag and hope the weather will clear up as we head north.
No such luck ,the weather gets worse.It pours,and pours and pours. May as well add a couple of more pours for you to get the full effect.
With the weather being so bad we get behind schedule and stop at a store about 90 minutes away. unfortunately i cant eat any sandwiches and lunch for me is a bag of chips. I watch with jealously as K munches into 2 egg sandwiches.
We arrive at our destination in La Ronge 10 minutes late. The parking lot is in a field which is now a mud bath. I have to squelch through the mud with high heels on. Very impractical.
We sneak into some seats at the back and are pleased to discover we hadn't missed anything. The local First Nations band were still drumming.
What i took away from the graduation was the diversity of the group. No long does you prom date have to be a person of the opposite sex. There were same sex partners, a transgender couple, a girl with her baby,and a single woman who made a statement by going alone. Not wanting a prom date. Its amazing to see these wonderful changes coming to the world.

A Winged Cupid Painted Blind

Welcome summer solstice. The beginning of Summer. I am looking forward to it.
For anyone who doesn't know," a winged cupid painted blind" is a quote from Midsummer Nights Dream by William Shakespeare. Of whom i am  a very big fan.

 First adventure of the summer.
I am going away for the weekend. K's great niece has her high school graduation on Saturday and its 4 hours north of where we live. There is a BBQ and party later so we are staying overnight and returning on Sunday .Its a very pretty area with a beautiful lake. Ive only ever been there in winter, so i am excited to do a little exploring on Sunday before heading home.

I don't want to turn up at the ceremony looking like something the cat dragged in. Or since its up north, more likely what the bear dragged in. So, today ive been getting my hair done and getting waxed. Thought id better make an effort since im wearing a dress. Would of liked to of got my nails done too but not enough time before work.

On the subject of waxing.
 I walk in for my waxing and Cookie says " i see you haven't been for 8 weeks Anna."
I protest "ive been on holiday and haven't had time since my return"
Cookie says "it should be every 3 weeks"
I said" i know,i look like a hairy cave woman with a untamed mass of pubic hair"
Twenty minutes later ,Cookie has me looking smooth and hairless, with black mascara runs down my eyes, from where tears left my eyes when she waxed the pussy.
Before leaving i dutifully made my next appointment for 3 weeks.

WARNING DON"T READ IF EASILY OFFENDED
NOT FOR THOSE WITH A WEAK STOMACH

I have just received the funniest snap chat. My 16 month old granddaughter was running around without a diaper on ,while my daughter watched Love Island. My daughter was so engrossed in the show she didn't notice her poop on the floor. My granddaughter picked it up in her hands carries it to her mum and says mum,mum and drops it in her mums cup of tea. It was both hilarious and gross to watch. Thank you to my son who filmed it and didn't bother to warn his sister.


A beautiful Midsummer Poem with some enchanting music. Hope you enjoy as much as i did.

Life As A Girl

Its been 2 years since i bought a new bra. Now, that i finally have a little disposable income i decide to remedy that. I head off to Pennington's in search of new bras. Not many stores stock big boob bras.
I browse and finally decide on something to go beneath my summer outfits. So, a cream color and pretty dusky pink. I pick up my size and head off to the changing room to try them on.
 What the heck !!
They are too small ????
It dawns on me my old bras have stretched to accommodate my growing, sagging boobs
I take the two too small ones back to the assistant and ask for a bigger size. Thankfully the bigger size fits perfect
If they get any bigger ill be in need of a crane to help carry them.

Since i am at the mall and in walking distance of McNally Robinson i head there in search of a graduation card for K's great niece. However, being in my element in a bookstore. I get distracted by the books. I am sat in the corner engrossed in a poetry book when i suddenly remember i have to go to work and ive already dallied in there over an hour and i haven't even looked for a graduation card. Luckily the cards were right by the checkout and i was able to grab one before leaving.
As,i was literally flying through the door (broomstick in hand ), i grabbed a Coming Events booklet.
This morning as i drank my morning cup of Earl Grey tea i read it. I noticed an event i am interested in concerning Womens Union Education and Womens experiences in the workplace. Its a book wrote by a local author. So,ive marked it in my calendar to attend.

Who's Going To Hell -You Or Me ?????

Yesterday i went for a Chinese lunch with one of my close friends of 8 years. Its been over a year since we got together in person. Mainly due to us both having a year from hell last year. We had a wonderful time catching up and promised not to let so much time pass before getting together again.
Shes a breast cancer survivor and i was with her through all that.But, then i changed jobs 3 years ago and we no longer saw each other daily.

Last year because of my injury i wasnt able to get around. She was also off work most of last year due to being bullied. After an investigation by the labor board the people bullying her were disciplined. My friend is a very loud, outspoken person but beneath that shes very insecure and tender hearted. She always puts 100% into her job. So,being wrote up and disciplined for things she hadn't done was devastating to her.
I know the people that did the bullying and i would like to say i was shocked but it seems they both get off on an ego trip of control. It angers me when people do that. What do you gain by making another persons life miserable.

Then yesterday evening i was working with a casual worker. Im the supervisor and she is just ignoring our requests for her to help with the work. Instead she keeps saying its not her job.I said all the residents are our responsibility. This resulted in a heated argument. I then removed myself from the argument saying this is done. Then i walked away. She actually did do the work and tried being nice to me later. I was polite but im done  being friendly with her. I dont like lazy people. Shes being paid to do a job not sit around and watch TV. Anyway rant over.

A little apt music from my favourite Saskatchewan band The Dead South to end my post.