The past few days have been a whirlwind. My granddaughter decided that she couldn’t wait any longer to be born and came early. Completely throwing all my plans into turmoil. She is absolutely gorgeous. So, beautiful with dark hair and very strong. Her paternal grandparents are Hungarian and she seems to of inherited their looks. But, I think she’s going to be smart and get that from me. The only thing that has spoilt the past few days has been Doomsayer. He did come to the hospital once to see the baby but it culminated in a very heated argument between us which nearly ended in a physical altercation in the parking lot. Luckily my son got between us and told him to leave. I’ve been away for a week and it’s been blissful. It really has reinforced my need to leave. Doomsayer keeps phoning me several times a day wanting to know if I plan to come back. If I don’t answer he leaves these weird sinister messages on my voicemail. I want to say no I’m staying here. But, I can’t I need to stick to my plan. I’m practically ready to leave. My certificate for the course I did has turned up. So, now I can update my resume and apply for casual work. Once I secure some extra work I can look for a place to live. I will have to consider some extra things I realize after being away a week. I’m 99% certain Doomsayer is going to verbally harass me and most probably stalk me after I’ve left. He’s been acting so childish while I’m away threatening not to buy the cat food, saying if I want someone to feed her I’d better come home. Then emptying a jug of milk down the drain because my sons were drinking it. He says if they want milk then they should buy it. Sunday and Monday he was really bad he was so abusive on the phone. I’m thinking what have I done to deserve this. I realize it’s the drink talking but honestly it doesn’t help. He may forget what he says to me but I can’t. So, today is the day I head home and face the music. I’m honestly a little afraid I have that horrible sick feeling in my stomach. But, im now a warrior and I have the courage to confront my foe and escape his control. I’m an independent free spirit. Soon to become a extremely happy poor free person. Onwards and upwards.
Why do people just presume I’ll just be okay with things. To be honest I’m fed up with people just presuming they know me. They wonder why I get angry, then try to make me feel bad because I have an opinion. It seems sometimes they forget im a human with feelings . It’s just Anna no big deal. Well not any more . I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I want in my life. Yes putting me first for a change. An acquaintance of mine in a similar situation to me left her husband in the summer. I’m watching and admiring from afar at her journey. She’s gone from looking frumpy, tired and sad to vibrant, happy and gorgeous. She’s struggled, but has made a new life. Then today Valentines Day she announces she’s in a relationship. He wrote the most amazing poem on her FB page.
I spent the day secretly trolling their public FB interactions. I smiled at their playful romantic banter, got teary eyed at his sweet proclamations of love and felt myself jealous that I didn’t even get a card. Not that I’ve had a Valentines Card in over 30 years and I imagine if before I die I ever want flowers I’ll have to send them to myself . I’m proud and happy for her and she totally deserves this wonderful new life. It made me realize that I want what she has. I want a wonderful new life with a man who loves me like that. I deserve to be a special person in someone’s life.
The past few days have been a whirlwind. My granddaughter decided that she couldn’t wait any longer to be born and came early. Completely throwing all my plans into turmoil. She is absolutely gorgeous. So, beautiful with dark hair and very strong. Her paternal grandparents are Hungarian and she seems to of inherited their looks. But, I think she’s going to be smart and get that from me. The only thing that has spoilt the past few days has been Doomsayer. He did come to the hospital once to see the baby but it culminated in a very heated argument between us which nearly ended in a physical altercation in the parking lot. Luckily my son got between us and told him to leave. I’ve been away for a week and it’s been blissful. It really has reinforced my need to leave. Doomsayer keeps phoning me several times a day wanting to know if I plan to come back. If I don’t answer he leaves these weird sinister messages on my voicemail. I want to say no I’m staying here. But, I can’t I need to stick to my plan. I’m practically ready to leave. My certificate for the course I did has turned up. So, now I can update my resume and apply for casual work. Once I secure some extra work I can look for a place to live. I will have to consider some extra things I realize after being away a week. I’m 99% certain Doomsayer is going to verbally harass me and most probably stalk me after I’ve left. He’s been acting so childish while I’m away threatening not to buy the cat food, saying if I want someone to feed her I’d better come home. Then emptying a jug of milk down the drain because my sons were drinking it. He says if they want milk then they should buy it. Sunday and Monday he was really bad he was so abusive on the phone. I’m thinking what have I done to deserve this. I realize it’s the drink talking but honestly it doesn’t help. He may forget what he says to me but I can’t. So, today is the day I head home and face the music. I’m honestly a little afraid I have that horrible sick feeling in my stomach. But, im now a warrior and I have the courage to confront my foe and escape his control. I’m an independent free spirit. Soon to become a extremely happy poor free person. Onwards and upwards. 
