Trick or Treat

                                                               Yesterday I was feeling very artsy and decided to carve a pumpkin for Halloween. I found a fabulous picture on Pinterest. Above picture.It looked simple enough. I got a marker, knife and newspaper ready and to work I get. In my mind I'm skillfully creating a Martha Stewart worthy pumpkin to adorn my pathetic decorations thus far on my doorstep. My son comes in the kitchen just as I'm finishing and gives the loudest belly laugh, followed by fits of laughter so hard he was struggling to get his breath. With a sigh I have to painfully admit my pumpkin looks like a toddler was handed a knife and told to stab it. Not to be completely perturbed though I've given him pride of place on my doorstep and named him Jigsaw. 

Ghostly Encounters

                                                                 Today was actually a  good day. I saw my special friend this morning. I'm usually really excited to see him but today I was feeling apprehensive. I think it was because I hadn't seen him since it happened. We had spoken on the phone but I wasn't sure what to say to him face to face. Part of me was feeling like an idiot for crying on the phone . I sat in the parking lot after getting my groceries for a while feeling really nervous undecided if I should cancel or not. Instead I sent a text I was on my way that way I couldn't cancel. I was really glad I went it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. The sex was really good, the chat a little more laboured on my side. Poor guy was having to do the talking for both of us. The orgasms were really good too. I think Carl Yong and Myers Briggs are just spot on with my personality profile. I read this and it's just me.                                                                                                                                              I went to work later and I'm happy to discover I'm working with my two favourite co workers. Then I realize it's my favourite supper as well. I go to the restaurant to speak to the chef and he says he's done me a special container of tzatziki sauce. He said he remembered I like it.I do get preferential treatment off the chef. I am feeling generous though and share it with my co workers.  We finished work around 10pm and decide to watch tv. So, we start watching a horror movie Halloween. We are about 30 minutes in and it's getting scary. I hear some strange noises and my co worker says take no notice it's our other co worker trying to scare us. But, the noise is getting louder and I say we should check it out. We have the lights on low and go to the hallway to look. It was a lady with dementia who's forgotten her walker and is walking with her arms out to the side for balance wearing a pale nightgown. We both jump then start laughing. What's she's actually calling is hello but it was echoing in the hallway. We put her back to bed and are just about to go back and watch tv. Then the door alarm goes off. My co worker says everyone is in bed no ones here. We get the fob and go to put it off. She's scared and clinging onto my arm. I put it off and I know sometimes when it's windy it sets it off. But, just in case it wasn't the wind I say we should open the door and check if any one is there. She says no no it might be a man with an axe. So on second thoughts I decide not to open the door. It's the people who go to check on the horror movies who get killed. So, instead we go and lock ourselves in the office. Total chickens as you can see. 

Walk with me

                                      On a scale of 1 - 10, today rated about a 5. So, at least an improvement on the past 6 days. I have started my shift rotation onto afternoon shifts so I slept  in this morning. I wasn't sleepy, but I made myself some coffee and lay there reading my book and listening to music on my phone. I felt all warm, safe and cozy there. I got up at 9.30am, showered and had breakfast. I tidied up in the house and then left to meet my friend Lynda for coffee. We were chatting over coffee and talking about the gym. A new gym has opened close by and on a whim we decided to check it out. It has a lot more equipment compared to where I go now. But, less classes. So, I'm not sure if it will work for me. Anyway I have a 3 day pass mon - wed next week so I will go and check it out. I have osteoporosis so I need to keep my muscle mass up to support the bones. I was actually very proud of myself at my last bone density test in March . I had managed to improve my bone density from -3.5 to -3. I did a lot of research online and for the past 3 years I've been on a regime of vitamin D, Vitamin K2 and Magnesium and an exercise routine to build up my muscles.                                                                          In the afternoon I went to work and I'd figured my chances of bumping into Mr Manager for the next few weeks are slim to none since there is only one hour that our shifts overlap. On starting my shift I discovered the morning person had forgotten to fax an important prescription to the pharmacy. I phoned the pharmacy and explained the situation. They told me to fax it and they'd make arrangements to get it delivered in the evening. So, I take the prescription and head over to use the fax machine in the offices at the main building. When I walk in the room Mr Manager is there trying to figure out how to refill the paper on the photocopier. He asks if I could help him. So, I do. I have to kneel because it's so low down. He then offers me a hand to get up from the floor. I take it and he helps me up . He tells me to go ahead and do my fax first. Which I do, but while I'm waiting for it to go through he rests his hand on my shoulder. My heart is beating so fast and I'm feeling weird by this. Those couple of minutes feel like hours. I got out of there as fast as I could after. I'm going to have to get over this weirdness and just act professionally. 

Lights, camera, action and now lets do retake

                                                                     Just when I thought life couldn't get any worse. Life decides to throw yet another cog in the mix and say haha lets see you deal with that now bitch. Over the years work has always in general been a safe haven. Somewhere I could go and switch off my other life. But, not so yesterday . During my week long absence there had been numerous changes at week that I spent most of yesterday catching up with  A big change had been the resignation of the building manager and installing of a new one. I work in a large facility and the building manager oversees the running of them all. So, not someone I have to directly work with but someone I will be interacting with on a daily basis. I read the letter and the new managers name had a familiarity to it. I just kind of figured I'd come across him in my previous homecare job. I never saw him yesterday but then this morning he came over to see me since I head up the safety committee for the whole facility. Have you ever had one of those moments when your brain goes into shock and everything stops and seems to go in slow motion. That was me earlier today. When I saw him I recognized him as a guy I'd had a 3 month affair with 8 years ago. It ended when his wife found out. She made my life hell for months after. I had to change my email and cell phone number. He wanted to carry things on even after she found out but I said he should probably deal with the stuff at home. I never knew what happened after and after a few months I found another guy to fulfill my needs. Yesterday he said he had wondered if it was me when he saw my name on some documents and actually invented an excuse to come and check out if it was. He said I can't believe you have hardly changed you still look as beautiful as ever. I just said thank you and you haven't changed much either. What do you say in that situation. He told me he got divorced after that episode and did try to contact me 6 months later but I had of course changed my email and cell number and he couldn't. I just wonder now how awkward it will be working with him. I don't feel any attraction towards him. Just weirdness right now.           

Come on life give me a break

                                                                        Be jeezies yet another trying day. My son phones me at work at 8.30am to tell me doomsayers work had phoned to see why he wasn't at work. My son said he left for work at his usual time walking ( he's not very safe driving and is often over the limit so he walks ) but hadn't showed up and was now 30minutes late. So, my sons and doomsayers colleagues all take off to drive around looking for him. They were just about to start phoning the hospitals at 9am when he walks into work. He seemed surprised every one was looking for him and said he was just walking to work. Since he's a person obsessed with time and has to be early for everything arriving 1 hour late for work for the first time in 20 years is a big deal. My concern now is that he got lost or forgot where he was going. He of course insists he got up late which isn't true. So, yet another problem . Is this a deterioration in his condition . At least my son finishes his work contract on Friday so he will be home for a few weeks so he can drive him to work.

Woman Overboard

         

 Thank you everyone for all the mail. It was interesting that even guys didn't think I was over reacting. In answer to a few questions.

Do you mind him talking about the other people he sees ?

 No I don't mind him talking about the people he sees . We have both been aware we see others from the start. If we were sat there on the sofa talking it would of been fine. It was the fact it was while we were having sex. It made me feel that I was just some surrogate body to fuck because he couldn't be with the women he wanted to be with.  

Why didn't I say something at the time.

 I've been very emotionally fragile this past week and so even though I was hurt at the time I didn't want to over react. I needed time to think about it. But, in honesty all that has served is to make it worse by replaying it over and over again. 

Has he done this before ?

No, he hasn't done this before.If he had I wouldn't be having this conversation with strangers . Since I haven't had an opportunity to speak to him about it yet I need to give him a chance to respond. But, it is essential that I feel during the time im with someone that they are engaged with me and enjoying and having a fun time with me. I need to feel I'm with someone who wants to be with me. 

 One reader presented me a very poignant question. Would he of been so disrespectful to the other woman by commenting how amazing I was at sucking his cock just as she was going to do it to him. I think I can answer quite positively no he wouldn't. 

 So,  this will be end of my thoughts on this for now. I'm going to head off to my aquafit class better to drown in the pool instead of these rivers of tears. I might even get lucky and have someone throw me a life jacket to save me. Life is certainly giving me an emotional beating right now. 

Thoughts welcome

   


 I've had a busy few days. So, today I had a nice relaxing chocolate facial. It was so relaxing I fell asleep and she had to wake me up. I think she needs to come here at night and do it before I fall asleep

Friday I spent a nice day with my special friend and that was lots of fun and we also went out Sunday evening to an alternative lifestyle party. I'm not too sure what his actually thoughts were it's not for everyone. But, I thought if he planned on staying around in my life he needs to know what I get up to.

 I'm not too sure he is planning on staying around , these days he seems more interested in telling me about other women he's seeing. Which is fine I'm not jealous but it does make me think if he's talking about them when we are having sex then it's highly probable he would prefer I was them. Which is not what I want,  I want someone who is into me. When your about to suck someones cock and they decide that's the perfect time to tell you how great the other person is at doing it. It kind of reinforces that thought. I'm not disrespectful like that talking about my submissives pleasuring me. Anyway I had planned to ask him face to face about it tomorrow but he has family commitments this week and our usual weekend timeframe doesn't work for me because im on afternoon shifts. So,instead I will have to ponder about what my thoughts are on this. If anyone would like to give me a mans prospective on this id be interested to hear . Email is preferable topsyturvyworld1966@gmail.com

Saturday I spent the afternoon at the casino with my friend Wandie . I was really spendthrift and wouldn't put much money into the slot machine. On the plus side though I'd forgotten my friend from a story titled have you ever saved a life worked security there and he bought us lunch. I left later in the afternoon and Wandie stayed saying she would get the shuttle bus home. In the evening I went round to my alternative lifestyle friends house for supper ( that story will be on the Sexual Heaven blog). 

     

Fire and Brimstone otherwise known as a Brazilian Wax

                                                            Yesterday was the first day of my holiday. Which I should of called pain and pleasure. First came a painful Brazilian wax from the queen sadist sweet smiling Sue. She covers my vagina with wax which is too darn hot and then rips half my skin off. My special friend will just have to kiss it better on Friday. Then in the afternoon I got my hair done. My stylist is amazing she gives incredible head massages. I've told her I'm taking her home with me. She didn't say no.                                                                                                                        On Tuesday I was working with two younger male colleagues. There was a quiet time after lunch and they were hiding in the laundry room on their phones. They told me they were on Tinder trying to get dates. I have heard of Tinder but being of a more mature age I don't know much about it. So, they show me the swipe and like thing. They call them dates but all they really want is a hook up for sex. Either way neither could get a girl. They are reasonably attractive guys so obviously that's not the reason. One of them shows me what he writes to them. I roll my eyes and whince thinking if someone wrote that to me I'd delete them. So, wondering if I could do better pretending to be them I suggest I reply for them. One guy says no but the other says go for it. So, I have a nice chat pretending to be him with a lady and arrange to go out for a drink. So, he's meeting her for a drink tonight. Hope he lives up to my chat.

Don't give up

                                                                 Thank you everyone for all your fabulous advice. I will be doing some of it on my week off. I feel blessed so many of you care about a stranger.Two people featured heavily in my thoughts yesterday. One was a wonderful woman who emailed after reading my post. What stuck in my mind most was she reminded me to love myself, stand up for myself and not to let him belittle me. As she reminded me the house is as much mine as his and what was I doing throwing in the towel and not even considering putting up a fight for it. The other person was the wonderful db. Who managed to invigorate my soul. We had a wonderful phone call and I realized what a special friend he is and how paramount our relationship is in my life. Doomsayer came home last night and gave me a box of chocolates. I'm presuming it's some form of apology since I can't remember him buying me even a birthday card in years. I just said thank you and ate the chocolates. It doesn't change anything since I know this will be a short lived truce and tomorrow he could be back to being the vexatious oppressor.                                   

There's a Storm coming

                                                                      This weekend has been so mentally draining. I'm seriously thinking I can't do this anymore. Doomsayer woke up Saturday morning saying I'd taken all his money (not true we have separate bank accounts and all I take is his share of the bills). Then it seemed every conceivable thing was my fault. I eventually just left because I was on the verge of crying and I can't let him see me cry because then he's won and I'm back to being that timid weak little woman again. I did my shopping and went to my special friends house. I had been trying really hard to get my composure back and put on my happy face but I couldn't quite do it and I ended up using him as my shoulder to cry on. I feel bad about that this morning he didn't sign up for that. I did at least manage to hold back the tears though. I had a really good time with him and I forgot all about my issues until reality sets in and I had to go home.  When I get home I'm subject to the silent treatment, which has now continued into today. He's refused to eat the past two days and I'm just past caring. If he wants to starve himself to death then he can just go ahead and put us both out of this misery. So, my decision right now is to formulate a get out plan. The hard decision is right now I'm in a comfortable home if I leave the most I'll be able to afford is to rent a room or a small studio place. The advantage to that is that I may end up financially destitute but at least I could live out the rest of my days happy. So, long as I have a roof over my head, some food and maybe the odd bottle of wine I should be good. I have no clue how to navigate through the financial mess though. He has run up huge credit card debts on joint credit cards. I gave up trying to pay them down because whatever I paid off he would rack back up at the liquor store . So, I just pay enough to keep them close to the limit. So, if anyone readings this can steer me in the right direction as in how to get advice and where from I would be eternally grateful 

Heterodox Knocks

               



 Today was just the strangest day. I couldn't sleep last night. I was too hot, then too cold, then I needed to pee. Then the vicious cycle just kept continuing all night. I looked at my phone it said 3.10am, and I'm thinking I need to get up soon for work and I haven't even slept yet. I must of dropped off soon after that and woke up with a start thinking what time is it. I look at my phone it says 6.10am . Oh crap i must of put the alarm off and gone back to sleep. I've normally left for work by this time. I whip on my clothes, do my hair and clean my teeth simultaneously, grab my lunch from the fridge and am out of the door by 6.25am. I eat my breakfast while driving erratically well over the speed limit. I arrive at work 3 minutes late and what the heck I'm the first one to arrive for my shift. Both my co workers were late. The shift was just one disaster after another. I  had to phone the paramedics to come out twice in an hour.The two washing machines broke down, the sink dropped through the counter, and that was before 9am. The worst though was the door alarm went off and we couldn't shut it off until the alarm company came out 3 hours later . That incessant sound giving me a throbbing headache. By lunchtime I am desperate to pee. Go to the bathroom and realize in my haste this morning. I put on my yoga pants inside out and back to front and no one even told me. I finally got my lunch break checked my phone and saw my daughter had phoned me 6 times. So, then I'm panicking something is wrong with her or the baby. But thankfully it was only something minor and nothing to be worried about.  I finish work after feeling like I've worked a 24 hour shift and not 8 hours. I go to the bank on my way home and someone starts knocking on my car window. I turn and realize it's a former friend. Not sure how to react, I get out of the car and we end up going for coffee. I haven't seen him since we broke up over a year ago. Surprisingly it was good to catch up and talk about what happened. We broke up over a text message. Or rather a lack of one. I'd sent him a message which required a yes or no response within 24 hours. He read it ignored it and took 4 days to respond. By which time I was so angry. So, then I took 4 days to respond to him. He totally lost his shit and told me it was over. My response being fine have a good life . In reality we had both lost interest. Things had not been going good for the prior month. We were both looking for a way out. We have both moved on and are both happier. So, it was good to talk in person and get rid of the animosity between us. We won't meet ever again the door has been closed tightly now for good.                                      

Subscribing To Be A Viking

           


 I firstly want to clarify something about my posts. I don't write about my problems seeking sympathy or expecting anyone to be my knight in shining armour and rescue me. I write because I find it therapeutic. I'd be a depressing person if all I ever talked about was my problems in person . Instead I like to write them on here. Get all my negative emotions out and be done with it. I don't write this blog for other people. I write it for me. If other people read it I'm happy . If they find something interesting in my life they can relate too and feel I'm not alone out there even better. Everything I have done in the past ten years has been my decision. So, I have no one to blame but myself for poor choices and indecisions. It may not sound like it but this year has been the happiest of my life. I seem to of hit it lucky on so many levels. A job i love, a grand baby to come, and what has been most unexpected and most welcome has been meeting a fantastic guy.     I long ago gave up any hope of finding someone special. I usually find it's a compromise. Sex is often okay but they are not interesting to talk to. But I've found Someone who I can trust, who seems to accept my uniqueness, even if he doesn't understand it , and best of all is the most amazing lover I've ever had. I wouldn't tell him that though he might get big headed. We seem to connect so well together during sex , he gives me the most mind blowing orgasms. Sometimes I feel like my head is drifting on another planet and I can't even open my eyes.  So, all in all I feel God has blessed me this year.                     

Dom, Dick and Scary

      I was driving to work this morning along the river just before 6am. I saw what I thought was a big cat up ahead in the road. I was wearing my glasses but my night vision is crappy even wearing them. When I got closer I realized it wasn't a cat but a coyote. He was a stubborn fella too, he refused to get off my side of the road and I had to drive on the other side of the road to get past him. I go walking often in this area and made a mental note to be extra vigilant since he didn't seem afraid of humans.                                This was me shopping yesterday . Chucky reincarnated and shops for candy eyeballs for cakes.                                           
One of my work colleague said to me earlier she had something to show me on her phone . So, we all sneak into the staff room and watch some porn clip of a guy with a huge dong slapping these women's faces. My work colleagues gave up long ago trying to shock me, since I can always up them with something more shocking. I did jokingly tell a few of them once I was a secret Dominatrix. Their response was that would not surprise us .
     

By Golly Be Jolly

This week is off to a much better start. My daughters ultrasound showed she's having a girl. So , now I'm excited to go out and buy cute girly stuff. I had a lovely relaxing day yesterday. I went to the movies and watched Annabelle . Certainly not the best horror movie ever, but enough jumps to keep me interested.  Then I went to Smittys for supper, I did text a gay friend to come join me since I don't like eating alone so he was grateful for a free supper. Then I rushed quickly to the dollar store to buy face paint ready for the zombie walk on Sunday afternoon. Also, I couldn't resist grabbing a few packs of glosette chocolate raisins. I love them.   Then I drove over to my special friends house for an evening of frolicking on the bed.  That was certainly the best part of the evening

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The above picture reminds me of Lake Louise. Below a picture when I went to Lake Louise. Love how I accidentally caught the kayak in the pic but it looks awesome,