This weekend has been so mentally draining. I'm seriously thinking I can't do this anymore. Doomsayer woke up Saturday morning saying I'd taken all his money (not true we have separate bank accounts and all I take is his share of the bills). Then it seemed every conceivable thing was my fault. I eventually just left because I was on the verge of crying and I can't let him see me cry because then he's won and I'm back to being that timid weak little woman again. I did my shopping and went to my special friends house. I had been trying really hard to get my composure back and put on my happy face but I couldn't quite do it and I ended up using him as my shoulder to cry on. I feel bad about that this morning he didn't sign up for that. I did at least manage to hold back the tears though. I had a really good time with him and I forgot all about my issues until reality sets in and I had to go home. When I get home I'm subject to the silent treatment, which has now continued into today. He's refused to eat the past two days and I'm just past caring. If he wants to starve himself to death then he can just go ahead and put us both out of this misery. So, my decision right now is to formulate a get out plan. The hard decision is right now I'm in a comfortable home if I leave the most I'll be able to afford is to rent a room or a small studio place. The advantage to that is that I may end up financially destitute but at least I could live out the rest of my days happy. So, long as I have a roof over my head, some food and maybe the odd bottle of wine I should be good. I have no clue how to navigate through the financial mess though. He has run up huge credit card debts on joint credit cards. I gave up trying to pay them down because whatever I paid off he would rack back up at the liquor store . So, I just pay enough to keep them close to the limit. So, if anyone readings this can steer me in the right direction as in how to get advice and where from I would be eternally grateful
Sunday, 15 October 2017
There's a Storm coming
This weekend has been so mentally draining. I'm seriously thinking I can't do this anymore. Doomsayer woke up Saturday morning saying I'd taken all his money (not true we have separate bank accounts and all I take is his share of the bills). Then it seemed every conceivable thing was my fault. I eventually just left because I was on the verge of crying and I can't let him see me cry because then he's won and I'm back to being that timid weak little woman again. I did my shopping and went to my special friends house. I had been trying really hard to get my composure back and put on my happy face but I couldn't quite do it and I ended up using him as my shoulder to cry on. I feel bad about that this morning he didn't sign up for that. I did at least manage to hold back the tears though. I had a really good time with him and I forgot all about my issues until reality sets in and I had to go home. When I get home I'm subject to the silent treatment, which has now continued into today. He's refused to eat the past two days and I'm just past caring. If he wants to starve himself to death then he can just go ahead and put us both out of this misery. So, my decision right now is to formulate a get out plan. The hard decision is right now I'm in a comfortable home if I leave the most I'll be able to afford is to rent a room or a small studio place. The advantage to that is that I may end up financially destitute but at least I could live out the rest of my days happy. So, long as I have a roof over my head, some food and maybe the odd bottle of wine I should be good. I have no clue how to navigate through the financial mess though. He has run up huge credit card debts on joint credit cards. I gave up trying to pay them down because whatever I paid off he would rack back up at the liquor store . So, I just pay enough to keep them close to the limit. So, if anyone readings this can steer me in the right direction as in how to get advice and where from I would be eternally grateful
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Anna sweetheart i have wondered how to comment on this. You say you don't need saving but you tug on my heartstrings. I want to come and rescue you. Hold you tight in my arms and keep you safe. You are such a paradox. You are smart, beautiful, independent and strong and yet also sweet, kind , caring with a hint of vulnerability. Just enough to bring out the protector instinct in me.
ReplyDeleteIt must be the Gemini in me. Two people in one. I'd be a good bogo deal. On a serious note though I'm not sure if the physical me comes across as any of those things. In reading my blog diary you are privy to thoughts and feelings I probably would never express in real life. On here I can express fear and sadness which I would hide from RL friends. My blog readers are wonderful people who give advice and support to a person who in reality is a stranger they could walk past in street.
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