I was up at 5am for work and the only tv show on was this religious one . I wasn't really paying attention since I was browsing Facebook. But, her words caught my attention and for a few minutes I felt she was talking to me. She was talking about secret struggles, mainly about keeping abusive relationships in the dark. How we empower it ,not ourselves by keeping it hidden, and how by bringing it into the light we invite God to empower and help us. It seemed to resonate with what my counsellor was telling me today. Last week she had me start a journal just recording my interactions with Doomsayer. When I'm ready I have to find a trusted person to read it. I find it very hard to read back myself . I'm not sure I'm courageous enough to allow someone to read how I allow him to intimidate me in that way. I want to retaliate and answer him back. But, I know it just escalates the situation to an unbearable level and he has the upper hand knowing I don't have any family here. So, I have nowhere to go to escape. I'm very much a person who likes peace and harmony in my life. I don't like confrontation unless I have to. I will talk about problems and issues. But, I don't want to screamed at and belittled.The counsellor is amazing to talk too. Obviously she hears stories like mine everyday but she helps me understand that there is a way out. She gives me homework to do which is also empowering. Deciding where I want to live. Looking at apartments online. Doing a budget. That one made me realize I will need a part time job in addition to my full time job in order to live alone. So, that is something I can start looking for. I've started my savings account at a bank he doesn't know about, and started my list of things I want from the home and what I will need to buy. This week I need to do my emergency bag, find a few friends for my emergency contact list and plan a safe place to go in an emergency situation.
Wednesday, 29 November 2017
Secret Struggles
I was up at 5am for work and the only tv show on was this religious one . I wasn't really paying attention since I was browsing Facebook. But, her words caught my attention and for a few minutes I felt she was talking to me. She was talking about secret struggles, mainly about keeping abusive relationships in the dark. How we empower it ,not ourselves by keeping it hidden, and how by bringing it into the light we invite God to empower and help us. It seemed to resonate with what my counsellor was telling me today. Last week she had me start a journal just recording my interactions with Doomsayer. When I'm ready I have to find a trusted person to read it. I find it very hard to read back myself . I'm not sure I'm courageous enough to allow someone to read how I allow him to intimidate me in that way. I want to retaliate and answer him back. But, I know it just escalates the situation to an unbearable level and he has the upper hand knowing I don't have any family here. So, I have nowhere to go to escape. I'm very much a person who likes peace and harmony in my life. I don't like confrontation unless I have to. I will talk about problems and issues. But, I don't want to screamed at and belittled.The counsellor is amazing to talk too. Obviously she hears stories like mine everyday but she helps me understand that there is a way out. She gives me homework to do which is also empowering. Deciding where I want to live. Looking at apartments online. Doing a budget. That one made me realize I will need a part time job in addition to my full time job in order to live alone. So, that is something I can start looking for. I've started my savings account at a bank he doesn't know about, and started my list of things I want from the home and what I will need to buy. This week I need to do my emergency bag, find a few friends for my emergency contact list and plan a safe place to go in an emergency situation.
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