Yesterday was an anniversary of sorts and I took the day to spiral into a deep depression. I beat myself up for being a horrible person and wrecking lives. I hope neither of those things are true. But, I was in a self hate mood.

A few days ago, I was chatting about an ex lover. Since then he’s been on my mind. I decided yesterday to stalk him out on Facebook. I found him and it was interesting to look at his pics. He looks older and chubbier. But, then so am i. I didn’t do anything like contact him. I downloaded one of his pics and decided the past has gone but it was nice to look at his happy smiling face. Then I found an old email account I haven’t used in 5 years. It took me an hour of going through loops with Microsoft to get my password reset. It was full of 15 years of emails and photos. I cried the entire day and evening going through them. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten so many of these people. They were important in my life. I felt like I was mourning my old life. I ended up getting very drunk and puking everywhere. I spent most of the night sleeping on the bathroom floor. This morning after dutifully taking Tylenol and eating some food. Which I had skipped all together yesterday. I realised I felt calm and relaxed. I think my head and heart needed to pour all these internal feelings out. It made me remember how lucky I’ve been to have all these people come into my life when I needed them. The universe has certainly blessed me. They may no longer be in my life, but I’m thankful for the time that I did. I feel like a lucky person and know I’m on the right path. Whatever, path I take and whatever fork in the road I decide to take I know the universe will bless me with the right people.